This morning I spent one of my ten-to-fifteen minutes of “upright” time out brushing Dharla. Good grief, her hair has let loose! Even though I went out to the barn every day last week I was only out long enough to give the horses some mid-day hay. I couldn’t be out any longer than that and besides, I was in too much pain and my vision was too compromised to be around the horses. Hard to imagine, but even with horses that I trust I can’t take the chance that I might get bumped into. I feel frail and vulnerable, which is not a place I’m used to being.
Still, I miss Dharla. I know as the weather warms up I’m really going to start itching to ride. I so hope I don’t end up totally regretting having this surgery and missing the entire spring. Well, I (more or less) already do regret it, but I’m still holding out hope that it doesn’t turn out to be a complete and total miserable failure. God, if I have to go through this again I’ll just shoot myself. I don’t think I can bear it.
Not much else to say, when every hour of every day is identical. I lay here and wonder if the world will ever look the same again?